i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
