So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Randomize
