Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
