while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize