we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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