You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
