And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
