God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
