apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
