maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
