I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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