Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
