I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize