He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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