WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
