Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
