I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
