i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
