just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
