omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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