What a fucking waste of an outfit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i now understand why vodka
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
