Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
