what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
