I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
