woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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