AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
