Sry I called you an 8
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
