Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Did I show you my penis last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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