I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
