Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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