Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
