new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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