you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
