A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
