My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
