I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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