How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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