apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
as a side note pls kill me
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