but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
