turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
two words...techno handjob
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
