i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
