I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
