found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
