is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
