I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize