Whod you bang
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
