pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
