if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pants are for mortals
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
