Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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