I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
