shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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