fuck your aforementioned shoe
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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