In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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