I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize