the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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