You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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