I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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