Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
