OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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