Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
