What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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