Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
