Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
