Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
