Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
