I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize