He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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