Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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